Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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