You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
