I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
