I wish I could teleport
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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