My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
