i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
