I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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