just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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