My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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