apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
