Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
