We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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