one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
