one two three fourrrrnication!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
