I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
