GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
