I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
