No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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