Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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