The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
