That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
