I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
