Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
