he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
