Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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