One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
