did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Four minutes until I can fart!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
