Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
