MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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