this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
