All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
