So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
