youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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