its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
