i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
