one two three fourrrrnication!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
