Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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