I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
