just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
