and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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