Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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