My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
