I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
