How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
