"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
