did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
