I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
