The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
