Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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