So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
