Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize