my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
